Our son, Leo.

Leo Walker Kreutter
Born May 12, 2015
8 lbs. 2 oz.     21.5 inches long

Leo because lion is a symbol of courage, strength, and bravery.  Courage comes from coeur, meaning heart.  May he always find the courage to listen to his heart and the strength and bravery required to follow it.

During labor, his low heart rate required a transfer from home to the hospital, but it quickly resolved itself and all turned out well.  Even coming into this world, he is Leo the Lionhearted.

The day of birth and the few following days were some of the hardest of my life, but also some of the most empowering.  Now we are slowly figuring out this dance of life together, the three of us learning each others' cues - when to lead, when to fall in step.  And the oxytocin, the love hormone, works its magic.

This beautiful poem really got me.  I still can't make it through without crying:

SELFLESSNESS

A mother who gives herself
completely to her infant meets
herself in the dark and finds
fulfillment.

In the hours between midnight
and dawn, she crosses the
threshold of self-concern and
discovers a Self that has no limits.
A wise mother meets this
Presence with humility and steps
through time into selflessness.
Infants know when their mothers have
done this, and they become peaceful.

Who, then, is the doer? Is it the infant
who brings its mother through the veil
of self-concern into limitlessness?  Is it
the mother, who chooses to hold
sacred her infant's needs and
surrender herself?  Or is it the
One, which weaves them both
through a spiraling path
toward wholeness?

From an incredibly beautiful book, The Tao of Motherhood, by Vimala McClure

 

And another great poem by my husband about this tiny new life. 

Knitting Frenzy

Since I've been home in Indiana, I've been in a bit of a knitting frenzy.

Before, I could only knit something in the shape of a square or rectangle, but now look at me go!  I've made a few garments for myself and some cute little things for Toto.  With the extra time on my hands while we still await the baby's arrival, I scour the web for more patterns and try to keep myself sane by knitting away.

Donna poncho by Tahki Stacy Charles, Axis vest by Shibui Knits, and Camp tank by Malikoo

Top knot hat by Mack and Mabel, baby mitts by Spud and Chloe, bitty baby booties by Small + Friendly

Baby pants by Pa Avigsidan, Diaper covers by Tricksy Knitter

Also, I keep reading this beautiful article over and over.

Waiting on Nature, in Nature

A couple of days ago, I lamented to Eric about how bored I am as we await the arrival of Toto.  I had taken a few guilt-filled days binge watching episodes of Scandal and wanted to find better ways to fill my time.  I then read my own blog post when I announced my pregnancy and laughed at how, at that time, I deeply desired "solitude and easiness of life," which I now have in abundance.  This time, I'm complaining that I just want something to DO.

Dad helped us discover the Douglas Preserve in Hamilton, Indiana, just a few miles from home, and it has been a God-send.  We have been there 3 times in the past week and it's become my favorite way to pass the time, to get my butt moving, and to enjoy the coming forth of Spring.  The baby will come when Nature calls it forth and until then, I'll be waiting and walking and communing with so many forms of life in this place, as much as I can.

When I found out I was pregnant, I happened to be reading a fantastic book, When the Heart Waits, by Sue Monk Kidd, which I should revisit.

Also, due dates are a lie.  Do yourself and any pregnant woman a favor and ignore them.

Inspiration to Make You Fall in Love With Our Earth

To celebrate Earth Day, I share with you some of my favorite recent inspirations that have made me fall more in love with Nature and our Mother Earth:

“She's never forgotten, either, how a mystery caught in the hand could lose its grace.”   -Barbara Kingsolver

1. Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver

Kingsolver, one of my favorite authors, weaves together three characters in southern Appalachia as they attempt to navigate the Earth around them as well as their own human nature.  Her website calls this novel, "a hymn to wildness."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


2. The photography of Katernia Plotnikova.  Here is a teaser:

Photo by Katerina Plotnikova

3. A podcast interview from OnBeing with Wangari Maathai, Planting the Future:
"A remarkable Kenyan woman and environmentalist speaks from experience about the links between ecology, human flourishing, war and peace, and democracy. And she shares her thoughts on where God resides."

4. This quote:

5. This short video of the famous words by Carl Sagan about our Earth, "The Pale Blue Dot," paired with thought-provoking images of our world.

"If the self is expanded to include the natural world, behavior leading to destruction of this world will be experienced as self-destruction."
 -David Suzuki

6. The Sacred Balance by David Suzuki
From his website:
"The basic message of this seminal, best-selling work remains the same: We are creatures of the earth, and as such, we are utterly dependent on its gifts of air, water, soil, and the energy of the sun. These elements are not just external factors; we take them into our bodies, where they are incorporated into our very essence...
As social animals, we have an absolute need for love; without it, we suffer dire psychological and physical consequences... Finally, we have spiritual needs, which are ultimately rooted in nature, the source of our inspiration and belonging. These are the real requirements of all humanity and should form the basis of any society aspiring to a truly sustainable future."

 

7. This quote:

8. Best of all, take yourself into nature.  Pick up a leaf and notice its subtle colors and lines.  Sit in the grass and look at the clouds.  Or consider a forest bath.

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the Earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.””
— Rachel Carson, Silent Spring

Maternity pictures

We've wanted to take my maternity photos for quite some time, but the skies have been grey and cloudy in our neck of the woods, day after day, when the sun was setting, so we kept postponing it until we could get that ideal soft, glowy light.  I wouldn't advise other women to wait until their 39th week to take maternity pictures.  Of course, there's that risk of not even making it to 39 weeks and then if you do, you just might feel so fat and swollen, the last thing you want to do is pose for the camera.

But then again, maybe doing my hair, and putting on makeup, and wearing a dress made me step out of my self-pity and into embracing the beauty of late pregnancy, as least for one evening.  Pregnancy has been such a paradox for me.  One day I feel so disconnected with my body and I have no idea what it's doing and the next I feel beautiful and in awe of what this body of mine is capable of.  Unfortunately, our culture seems to tell only one side of this narrative, focusing so much on the negative and "gross" parts of pregnancy.  If you tell a friend how much you love your body or that you actually like parts about being pregnant, you're likely to get an eye roll or a stare of unbelief.  This is why I love the trend of maternity photos in our generation.  They can make us appreciate the beauty of this whole process and the incredible power of our bodies.  It's a great way to bring about the other, positive side of the pregnancy narrative.

So even though I'm at 39 weeks, my toes look like baby sausages, by body is puffy all over, and I feel more immobile than ever, I'm still thankful that I can look at these pictures and see myself as beautiful.

A big shout-out to my husband, Eric Kreutter, for taking these photos, for having lots of patience, and for making me feel beautiful when I am all too self-critical.

P.S. I thought about posting a bloopers reel of really bad photos, but decided not to do that to myself.  There is a reason photographers go through the photos themselves and choose the best ones to show you.  Maybe some day I'll pull them out for a good self-deprecating laugh, but I'm just going to stick with the positive for now.

Edit: Ok, Eric talked me into posting just one blooper, totally unedited.  Enjoy.

maternity blooper