My body
Your first home,
first nation
first residence.
My breasts
Your first dinner table.
Your first bed and pillow
with my arms, your first blankets.
My body
Your first jungle gym,
roller coaster,
mountain to climb.
My face
Your first love,
first toy,
first discovery you ever explored.
My body
Your first mode of transport.
Your very first safety net.
I was your beginning.
The notch in your belly
demands you never forget
your Motherland.
Entering parenthood can be overwhelming on its own, but now new parents are bombarded with trying to figure out which gadgets to buy and what baby gear they need. I've tried to stick with a minimalist approach to parenting, acquiring only things I absolutely love or know I truly need. Here are a few of those baby items I adore and couldn't have done without these last 5 months.
Books: The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
This book was my bible during the first month of breastfeeding and has continued to be useful up to today. Published by the worldwide organization, La Leche League, it's a god-send to new mothers, helping to normalize different breastfeeding struggles, encouraging you to trust your intuition, and gently guide you in bonding with your baby. Even beyond this book, La Leche League is an invaluable resource to help with breastfeeding. They have volunteers around the world to help guide you with any troubles or concerns you might have and I found they are so happy to help in any way they can!
The Tao of Motherhood
I keep this small book by my bedside and read a small excerpt from it a few times each week. Every short chapter brings parenthood back to the essentials, back to simple guiding values on the days when I might worry I'm doing something wrong or when I become overwhelmed by it all. It taps into deeper truths that I might tend to forget and it has helped me to trust myself and the unique relationship with my child.
Diaper bag: Moop waxed canvas bag
A diaper bag is one of those musts and for something you carry around all day, every day, you want something of beauty and high-quality. For a bonus, support a small business selling handmade bags - Moop is a Pittsburgh business selling waxed canvas bags. I received The Porter as a gift from my registry.
Song: Lullaby by The Dixie Chicks
You think the Dixie Chicks are so '90s? Check out their beautiful Lullaby and think again. I am in love with this sweet song and I sing it to Leo weekly. It's our song. Try singing it to your child without crying. Try.
“How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough ‘cause I’m never ever giving you up.”
Blankets: Embroidered knit cotton blanket
We were gifted this blanket by a friend when Leo was born. As someone whose love language is gifts, this one touched me. Embroidered with "lionheart," it's simple, beautiful, and meaningful, and the perfect blanket to wrap my little guy in. I secretly hope it will become his attachment object.
Handwoven cotton swaddle blanket
It seems every mommy blog insisted that the swaddle blanket from Aden and Anais was a must. I bought a pack for myself, but then I came across a group of weavers in Uganda and had them make me my own swaddle blanket. It's the same lightweight cotton and the design is stunning. It's handwoven from Ugandan cotton and can be used to swaddle your baby, as a burp cloth, a sun cover, or to put under their bum during an on-the-go change.
Bottles: Pura stainless steel bottles
These Pura bottles are the only bottles we have used. They are stainless steel and BPA free, but the best part is they grow with your child. Switch out the nipple with a sippy top when they become old enough and then switch it out again with a straw. Or even put a top on it and use it for snacks. Versatile, safe, and eco-friendly. This product checks so many boxes on what is important to me and Leo seems to like them, too.
Bassinet: Mugavu wood base with Moses basket and sheepskin
I found this Moses basket in a craft market in Uganda, which is hand-woven from palm leaves. Later, I came across this design for a bassinet and we had a local carpenter make it from Uganda's mugavu wood. It's been the perfect place to put Leo down for a nap so I can keep an eye on him while I do work at home. I love how it adds to our home decor rather than contrast with our aesthetic. I completed the set with a sheepskin, which we use all the time. I can take it out of the bassinet and place on the floor wherever I am, providing Leo a comfy, soft place to practice tummy time and providing my home with another piece of beauty.
I'm rarely in the US for the changing of seasons, so this week, as the snow melts and the weather starts to warm up, I find myself drinking in this transition into Spring.
A couple of days ago, I walked around our yard to see what beauties of nature I could find. I noticed a few straggling leaves on each tree - leaves who had refused their time of death in Autumn and instead clung to their life as they knew it on the limb. They had somehow made it through a brutal winter, still stubbornly hanging on. But new life is coming soon, and these old guys are in for a big wake-up call when they'll be forced to finally give up the fight and let the new buds spring forth in their place.
I also have a new life on the way, set to arrive in about 6 weeks. I've noticed patterns in my dreams, revealing the fears tucked away in my subconscious about all I must die to in order to let this new life really thrive. Even as I write a list in my journal of these things I know I must let go, I feel a deep resistance to it all. To...
Letting go of a spontaneous life. Letting go of my precious sleep. Letting go of my body as I know it. Letting go of my youth. Letting go of how I desire to use my time.
The wise have always told us that Death is always required if New Life is to enter, and all of nature seems to be telling me this, too. I cherish the fact that my baby will be born in Springtime and in the Easter season - a whole season dedicated to New Life after a winter of hibernation and death.
“Love in its fullest form is a series of deaths and rebirths. We let go of one phase, one aspect of love, and enter another. Passion dies and is brought back. Pain is chased away and surfaces another time. To love means to embrace and at the same time to withstand many many endings, and many many beginnings – all in the same relationship.”
So I also write down all that will be brought forth if I choose to let go of the old and usher in this New Life. I will gain...
A kind of love I've not yet known. A growing relationship with Eric. An opportunity to question and learn and grow in myself. A connection with every other parent on the planet. An added piece of my identity.
I know I must let go in order to gain. I look inward and tell myself not to be like those stubborn leaves, hanging onto their old lives and refusing to fall into what is. So I let myself die to the old things in order to give birth to something entirely new.
Is there something you must die to in order to bring forth something new in your life?
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.”
My husband, Eric, and I have taken several adventures together - from the traveling the Middle East, all throughout East Africa, and across America, exploring this world lets us also explore ourselves. And next year, we have another huge adventure planned - one very different from setting off to a far-away place. It is one of the most common, but life-transforming journeys of all time, so we've been told...
Next April, we're going to have a baby!
Remember that trip we took to Congo earlier this year? Well, we spent one night in Rwanda before crossing the border into Congo and that night we found out the news for ourselves. I felt blessed to have a week apart from my every day life, disconnected from the digital world, and relaxing amidst the stunning Congolese scenery. It gave me a chance to process this big news, to reflect on what this new life will mean to me, to us, and what intention I wanted to take into the next 9 months.
“The Journey of Birth is one of going deep within oneself, trusting the inner process, surrender (doing nothing), transformation, and bringing forth life from the temple of one’s own self.””
I came back to Kampala knowing that not only was a new physical life gestating inside me that I'll soon give birth to, but a new identity for me as well - that of a mother. Since that time, I've had a strong desire to wrap up in a cocoon and let this newness develop. I've wanted to withdraw inward and start to carve away all that is unnecessary in my life. It's been a great time to reflect on what is truly important and to make steps to keep those things close to me while peeling off what is redundant and not needed.
I have craved solitude and easiness of life. Of course, the many physical changes have made me very tired and hungry, so I've just craved the time to give myself what my body wants - rest and nourishment. I haven't exactly kept this promise of inward retreat to myself like I thought I would. The last few months have been very busy and I haven't had the time and space to wrap up in my desired cocoon, but the intention is still there, which is a big reason I needed my Weekend of Solitude - so I could come back to that hope.
A little tadpole - our 7 week ultrasound
12 week ultrasound
So, here we go! We have this new, exciting adventure looming in front of us and there is so much to think about, to plan for, to contemplate. There are things to learn and fears to face, but I anxiously await it all and I can't wait to take Toto* on our many adventures to come!
*Toto means "baby" in Swahili, a name we've decided to call the baby until the arrival, since it's much more affectionate than, "it"!