I started feeling sick with each contraction and I didn’t want to poop in the pool, so I was really holding back, which made each contraction worse. I got out of the pool and went to the bathroom after grabbing a bowl to throw up in while sitting on the toilet. I was so cold and shivering from getting out of the water, so Eric and Kristin covered me with lots of towels while I sat on the toilet. It felt good to be on the toilet, in a seated position, where I mentally knew I could release and let it all go if I needed to! With each contraction, my stomach tightened so much and I could see it tighten around the baby. I started dreading that sight and it made me feel nauseous. I used a lot of vocalization throughout my labor and I didn’t hold back! I was loud! I commented that I couldn’t imagine laboring at a hospital where I would be self-conscious of the noise I was making. I was grateful that the people who were with me didn’t mind and even encouraged me to make as much noise as I wanted! My contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart at this point.
I asked Rhoda to check me again and I was now 5cm dilated. Rhoda had Kristin do “rebozo sifting” on my tummy, which involved putting a cloth around my tummy while I lay over a birth ball and she shifted the cloth back and forth, which apparently encouraged optimal positioning of the baby’s head on the cervix. She did this while Eric ate dinner. After this, Kristin went again to my parents’ house to let them know all was still progressing well.
I felt like the contractions kept coming so close together and I couldn’t get a break. When it got hard, I went back to my favorite position with my chest on the ground and my butt in the air, but after a while, Rhoda told me that I would have to lean into the pain, to relax and let go. She advised me to find another position that allowed gravity to do its work. She first advised me to sit on the toilet again and lean back. This did seem to help, even just mentally, knowing that this is what it would take to move things along. After some time here, she had me try something else with Eric. He sat on the birth ball, his back against a wall and his legs spread apart. With each contraction, I squatted between his legs and leaned back onto him. It was hard at this point, but it did make me feel like things were progressing. I kept thinking of something I had read, which said when I am in labor, 300,000 other women around the world are also with me in labor. That was a mantra to me. I kept repeating that number in my head and I loved thinking that we were all in this together. It was about 8:00pm.
Rhoda had been monitoring the baby’s heart tones during my different positions and I didn’t know that she was seeing something a bit concerning for about 20 minutes. She finally told me that the baby’s heart rate was staying too low in between contractions and she would feel better if we transferred into the hospital so the baby could be more closely monitored. I completely trusted her judgment and although I faced a moment of disappointment that my baby would not be born in the cabin, I knew it was the right thing to do. She delivered her suggestion very calmly and then began to contact the hospital and the OB/GYN whom she partners with, Dr. Stroud. We hadn’t prepared a hospital bag, so we started walking around the cabin, throwing things into a bag. I threw on some clothes and a fuzzy robe to keep warm. I didn’t feel scared. It was all I could do to just stay with each contraction when it came and do whatever else I needed to do in between contractions so we could leave. I felt completely in the moment and this prevented any fear from arising. Rhoda’s calmness through it all also helped me feel like there was no reason to be scared. I asked Eric to be the one to tell my parents that we were going to the hospital, so he went and let them know. He and I rode with Rhoda during the 20-minute drive to the hospital. During the drive, my contractions mostly stopped and I commented about it to Rhoda, who told me that the adrenaline has kicked in, which slowed down my contractions.
We arrived at Dupont Hospital around 9:00 pm and I was put in a wheelchair. They pushed me through a hallway where there were lots of pictures of newborn babies lining the wall and those pictures gave me so much hope. It reminded me of what all this labor was for and that I would soon have one of those in my arms! We met Dr. Stroud in the elevator. I had heard so many great things about him from many different sources, and he was so calm and nice right away. I had even contacted him early on in my pregnancy, asking about midwives and he told me about Rhoda, so I reminded him of that. Everyone at the hospital was calm and they moved very smoothly in all that needed to be done. They set up a fetal heart rate monitor, put me on an antibiotic IV for my Group B strep, and checked my cervix, which was 6-7 cm dilated. The baby’s head was at 0 station.
During this time, a woman was by my bed on a computer, asking Eric and I questions to register us. Contractions were really coming one after another and at this point, the woman asked me what my pain goal is. “What?!” I asked. “What is your pain goal?” she repeated. I snapped back, “What the hell is a pain goal!?” And she promptly replied, “I’ll put you down as an 8.” It seemed like the dumbest question to me, especially in the midst of pain that I certainly could not think about rating. It was all I could to do just make it through the pain and I did not want to come out of myself to think about answering such a ridiculous question!
Dr. Stroud wanted to break my bag of waters to see if there was any meconium in the amniotic fluid, which would be a sign of the baby’s stress level. I asked him if it would make contractions worse and he smiled and said “I like to think it makes them more efficient.” There was slight meconium in the amniotic fluid, but he said it wasn’t enough to worry about. Breaking my bag of waters certainly did make the contractions stronger. I had to lie down in the bed for him to break it, which was a horrible position to labor in, but the contractions were so strong and I wasn’t getting a break in between them, so I felt like I was incapacitated and couldn’t move to another position. I felt like I was thrashing in the bed and I reached for anyone and anything to hang on to. I swore I heard someone whisper the word, “c-section” and I felt so sad. I silently began to mourn to myself. After a few more contractions, I finally spoke up and said, “I heard someone say c-section. Is everything ok?” Dr. Stroud was surprised and he replied, “I didn’t hear that. If someone said ‘c-section’ they must have been talking about someone else!”
Within 20 minutes of my arrival at the hospital, my baby’s low heart tones resolved itself, but I still needed to wear a wireless monitor. Someone finally asked me if I wanted to get out of bed and I said I did, but I didn’t feel like I could move. “Well we can help you with that!” they said. So a few people helped me out of bed and I went into the shower, where Catie held the shower hose and sprayed it back and forth over my belly while Eric sat just outside the shower. The water kept moving the heart rate monitor, so she kept spraying the water on the side of my belly, near my leg and I started to get annoyed at this because I wanted it on my stomach.
I remembered the squats that Rhoda suggested when we were at home, and there was a bench in the shower that I could lean into, so I kept doing those squats with each contraction. I also used the bar in the shower to hold on to. The IV in my hand came out around this time. Dr. Stroud asked me if I wanted him to check how far along I was, but I was scared that I wouldn’t have progressed, so I answered, “Only if it’s good news.” He didn’t check me.
While laboring in the shower for about 30 minutes, I began to feel the urge to push with each contraction and my little team cheered me on. Kristin reported that there was a table in the hallway with vaginal delivery supplies, so clearly nobody was thinking about a c-section. I felt so encouraged when the urge to push came, because I knew this meant I was nearing the end; I was so tired. I was also now getting some breaks between contractions, which gave me some much-needed rest. Eric was just outside the shower, holding my hand and encouraging me. Once, he touched my stomach and I really didn’t like that, so I pushed his hand away.
The urge to push kept getting stronger and stronger. After a while, I felt like the contractions and pushing was like the movies, so I thought I must really be getting close, but Rhoda and Dr. Stroud were on the other side of the room, whispering to each other and they didn’t seem very concerned, so I was confused. I asked Dr. Stroud to check me, so he came into the shower and soon told me that I was completely dilated! He suggested we move out of the bathroom and I ended up squatting with my knees on the floor and my arms and chest on the bed. Dr. Stroud said he could feel the baby’s head and he encouraged me to really push with each contraction. A few people kept asking if I wanted something under my knees, as it must hurt for them to be on the floor, but it was the least of my worries. I was so concentrated that I didn’t even notice, although the next day some big bruises showed up. I just wanted to get this baby out!
I was so hot and started sweating. Someone began fanning me and someone else put a cold towel on my back. It was awesome how they knew just what I needed. It felt amazing.
The baby started to crown and Dr. Stroud told me I could reach down and feel the baby’s head if I wanted. It was so beautiful to feel that and know how close we were to meeting each other! He had me stand up and lean over the bed so he could catch the baby. He also told me that since there was some slight meconium in the amniotic fluid earlier, the NICU team had to be present at the birth in case the baby needed assistance breathing, but if the baby cried, they would leave.
I had to give really big pushes now. Dr. Stroud told me to curl over myself with each contraction. I pushed as hard as I could, 2 or 3 times with each contraction. I pushed even when I didn’t think I could anymore because I didn’t want to prolong labor any more. Finally, I pushed the head out and I could see the head while looking in between my legs! Dr. Stroud had me stop pushing for a minute and then another big push for the shoulders and the baby was out!
I instantly turned around and sat on the ground while they wiped him off and he cried. I yelled, “Oh my god! Oh my god! Give me my baby!” I wanted him in my arms ASAP. I didn’t even think about checking the sex of the baby, but Eric announced that it was a boy! Although we had decided not to know the sex of our baby beforehand, I had been convinced I was having a girl, so I was surprised! They handed him over to me as quickly as they could and I held him while sitting there on the floor. What a beautiful moment! After a minute, everyone helped me get into bed with him. His cord wasn’t very long, so he lay a bit low on my tummy. When the cord stopped pulsing, Dr. Stroud had Eric cut it.
About 15 minutes after the birth, I delivered my placenta and they held it up for me to see. I thought it was beautiful with all the veins running through it. I’m so glad they let me see it.
As I held my son and Eric stood beside the bed, we all made our own remarks about him, most notably that his eyes were wide open and alert. He was so magical and perfect! The staff asked us if we had a name and Eric and I looked at each other in anticipation of what the other would say. We had talked about a couple of choices, but hadn’t finalized on anything. Then Eric said exactly what I was thinking: “Leo Walker Kreutter”
